I’m a waitress at the Stoplight Diner in town. I don’t know how it got that name, because there ain’t no stoplights here. I usually work a few nights a week after school and on weekends. Since it’s Tuesday, we didn’t have a lot of customers. Jake Willis and his brothers stopped in, like always, on their way home from Chesterfield. They been working on the new highway all summer, so I been serving them chicken fried steaks and day-old pie for the last few months. I can’t believe they eat here every night. I sure wouldn’t. Jake is my brother Sam’s age. They weren’t really friends, but in a small town like this we all know each other. Jake has a crush on me, but he won’t say nothing since I’m only seventeen. It’s a stupid rule. A few more months and suddenly I’ll be adult enough to go with a twenty-two-year-old? I guess we’ll just have to keep on flirting until then. At least he leaves me a nice tip each day. We’ve gone out driving together a few times. Nobody knows about that, but we just listen to music and talk.
I like most of the people I work with. The other two waitresses, Linda and Janet, are older than me. They have kids of their own. They’re nice and all, but they’re also kind of rough. Both are divorced, always fighting with their boyfriends, and their kids seem pretty wild. They don’t fit in with most people in town, but I still see ‘em in church every Sunday. Kevin and Shane are the cooks, but I don’t talk with them much. They stay in the kitchen and I stay out with the customers. Joe is the dishwasher. I try to avoid him. He’s a lot older, and I think he’s got mental problems. He talks funny and stares a lot.
Once I got the dining room cleaned up, I headed on home. My parents were watching TV; some reality show about renovating a house. I can’t remember what it’s called. They’re all the same to me. I get along with my mom and dad for the most part. I try to get along with everyone to be honest. My mom is a stay-at-home type, but my dad is constantly working. Always been that way since I was a kid, but I guess that’s how it is when your dad is the mayor. My dad and Pastor Mike pretty much run this town. Nothing happens here that they don’t know about. Pastor Mike’s like an uncle to me and Sam. He’s never missed a birthday party or school play. I remember once when I was four or five, I broke my ankle when I fell climbing down out of the old treehouse we had in the backyard. My dad was out of town, so mom called Pastor Mike and he took me to the hospital over in Chesterfield. It was the first time I remember going out of town. I remember the hospital was cold inside, and all the doctors and nurses whispered to each other a lot. Pastor Mike kept me safe though. It’s funny the little things you remember like that.
Now I’m a senior at Rocksburn. There aren’t a lot of kids here, maybe fifty in all. I’ve known most of the kids since kindergarten. I’m pretty shy at school. I don’t want to make anyone unhappy, so I try not to talk a lot. Some of the kids are really loud and obnoxious. I like for people to just keep their opinions to themselves. I think we’d all be a lot happier and get along a lot better that way. I like living in a small town. I mean, I guess I don’t really have anything to compare it to, but to hear the news and read the papers, it sounds like staying in a small town is the right thing to do. Of all the places in the world to be born, I’m extremely grateful to be in a place so beautiful where I have people who love and care for me. I know not everyone has this kind of life, and that’s why I want to help change the world after I graduate. There is far too much sadness and hate and not enough love and understanding. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from going to church all my life, it’s that it’s up to my generation to change things. Pastor Mike does a great job of talking about really big problems in a way that young people, even kids, can understand. I’ll do him proud when I leave, no matter how hard it’s going to be.
Saturdays are my favorite day of the week. I try to get scheduled for the lunch shift so that my night is free. Today was one of those days. We were pretty busy, but at three o’clock you couldn’t have paid me a million dollars to stay in that diner for one more minute. Jake had texted me and asked if I wanted to go for a drive tonight. Of course, I did! We met up town on the square. There were lots of people hanging around, but nobody really noticed us leave together. Jake drives an old Chevy pickup truck. I think it was red when it was new, but now it’s covered in rust and dirt. I love riding in the middle of the seat right next to him.
We drove out in the country for what seemed like hours. The windows were down, the crickets were chirping, and the air was crisp. The roads around here are winding and hilly. There are tall trees on both sides, and with no street lights or houses around it gets pretty spooky some nights. But it’s also very peaceful and quiet. We parked near the creek and sat on the tailgate with the radio on. We never seem to run out of things to talk about, and I love that about him. But tonight was different. Tonight we sat on that tailgate in silence. I think we both felt something changing. I knew he wouldn’t make the first move because of my age. I felt every muscle in my body tense up as I moved my hand to his. He crossed his fingers with mine and looked down at his feet. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. The seconds that followed were agonizing. My stomach was a giant knot, like I’d made a big mistake. Then he turned, and he kissed me. It was just like in the movies. I’ve kissed boys before, but this was different. The electricity was overwhelming. My body ached in places it hadn’t ached before. After what felt like a blissful eternity, Jake pulled away. We were both smiling, and we decided it was time to head back into town.
It’s been about a month since Jake and I had that first kiss. I think about it every day, and I wonder if he does, too. He still comes into the diner on his way home with his brothers, but we haven’t gone out driving anymore. He’s been busy helping with the men’s group at church and I’ve been doing a lot of schoolwork on the weekends. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I hope I can celebrate with him. This time it won’t have to be a secret anymore. I don’t want to spend the last 6 months here sneaking around. Once I graduate, I’ll be leaving. I’ve seen what happens to the other kids when they leave and come back a few days later, not able to make it. They end up miserable, working at a place like the diner, and lose any respect from their friends and family. That won’t be me. I’ve known my whole life that I will not be like that. I will leave this town, and I’ll change the world. My parents have always told me how I will be different, how I will be the one that succeeds, and I will inspire others to go as well. Obviously I’m nervous about leaving, but Jake and I have talked about it a lot. He understands and says he’s proud of me. His older sister, Sofie, is one of the girls who didn’t make it. His family doesn’t talk to her much anymore, but she’s still around. I don’t know that I could live thinking my family was ashamed of me.
Pastor Mike has been very supportive. He tries to mentor all the high school kids that are considering leaving. He can usually tell who’s serious and who isn’t. The ones that are just saying it to make their family happy, well, he’ll work with them to find good jobs around here. That way their parents are still happy, and the kid doesn’t have to do something they don’t want to. I guess Pastor Mike realizes that I’m serious, because he’s been helping me plan everything for the last year. He usually comes over to our house for supper on Friday nights. After everyone’s done eating, we talk about different cities that would be best for me, how I’ll get there, and where I’ll stay. The more we talk about it the more I want to leave now, but obviously I have to finish high school first.
Today is my birthday. I have to admit, it has been the best birthday of my life. It’s Thursday, so I had to work after school. Jake and his brothers came in, of course, and before they left Jake asked me to go driving with him when I got done. He asked me in front of everyone! I liked to have died right then and there. Linda was working tonight as well, and she let me leave early. She’s real sweet when she wants to be.
Jake and I met up on the square. I couldn’t have sat closer to him in that old truck if I tried. We stopped by the creek again and sat on the tailgate. Tonight we talked about so many new things. It was almost like he was keeping things from me until he knew we could be together for real. He told me how he wanted to go to college after he graduated high school, but Pastor Mike had suggested the construction job instead. He said he’s so glad he chose that path, because he’s happy being close to his family and he likes the work. He talked about how his old girlfriend from high school had been his first love, and they had even slept together before she left. She was one of the girls who never came back. I’ve heard that she’s a recruiter out in Oklahoma now. I’m not really sure what she does, but my parents have said that everyone who leaves plays their part to make the world better. Jake has never been so open with me. It made me fall even harder for him.
Today I graduated from high school. I can’t believe school is over, and it’s time to move on with our lives. Jake and I have been together ever since my birthday, and we are truly happy. No more sneaking around. Him and his brothers don’t come to the diner as much anymore since they finished the highway last month. Now they are working over near Clement on a new overpass off Route 17. I’ve been working as many hours as I can to save up money for when I leave. I don’t want to burden my mom and dad with having to pay for me. I think I’ve saved up enough to get me through. We had a big graduation party for all the kids in our class tonight at the church. Lots of people gave donations to all of us that are leaving. I was really surprised that so many gave their offerings to me. Of all the kids, I think I got the most. Having the support of so many makes me that much more determined to succeed. I will never forget how they have all encouraged me.
Jake and I went out driving to the creek tonight. We always seem to end up there. Sleeping out under the stars in the middle of nowhere is what I’ll miss the most. Jake is still my biggest fan when it comes to me leaving. He brags about me to all his friends. I think it’s even made some of the other girls jealous. I know that it’s not forever, and Jake and I will be together again some day. It will just take time. We both know that this is my destiny, and I really believe he is happy for me.
There are times when I doubt myself, though. What if I fail? What if I can’t do it? Will I mess everything up? Maybe I’m not smart enough or strong enough. What if I get lost? It’s a big city, and I don’t know my way around. I want so badly to do a good job. What if I disappoint everyone? I feel so overwhelmed with the responsibility that sometimes I cry in the shower. I cry until my head aches, but I’ll never let anyone know it. Lately, when I talk with Pastor Mike and my parents I have a very uneasy feeling in my stomach. I can’t tell them, though. Not now. It’s too late. Too much money has already been spent. I can’t hurt them by quitting before I’ve even started. I have to do this. I will do this. I will leave this small town, and I will change the world for the better.
Tomorrow I am leaving Rocksburn. Ready or not, but I think I’m ready. There was a huge going away party for me tonight at church. It seems like the whole town showed up. I hate having so much attention. It makes me nervous. Both Pastor Mike and my dad gave a nice speech. The biggest surprise was Sam and his wife came back. I haven’t seen my brother since he left for college. He’s planning to move back and take over for dad once he retires. I wish I could have spent more time with him, but having the whole family back together was a lot of fun.
I’m not spending the night with Jake tonight. We’ve said our goodbyes. After the party we drove for a few hours through the country in silence. Holding hands, we both felt the end coming. I haven’t ever felt a sadness like this before. Everything has been so perfect these last few months, and now it has to stop. It’s not fair. I’m mad, and I’m sad. I have so many negative emotions right now, and I don’t know what to do. I want to stay, or I want Jake to come with me. I don’t want to go alone.
No. I have to stop thinking this way. It’s time to dry my tears and push these feelings aside. I don’t have time for it now. I’m stronger than this. I can do this, and I will do this.
I wouldn’t let my parents or Jake drive me to the bus station. It would have been too hard for me to leave if they were here. I drove myself, and dad will come pick up my car later. I won’t need it anymore. I sat and cried. I cried because I’ll miss driving a car. It all seems so pathetic and silly now that I really think about it. Once I get there, I’m meeting up with James Linton and Charley Preeny. They left a few years back and they been working in the city. Pastor Mike let them know I’s coming so they could help me get all set up. At least I know I won’t get lost now. It’ll be nice to see someone familiar. Until then, I’ll sit quietly on this bus for the next two hours, and watch the towns go by.
Well, I’ve been in the city for a week, and I haven’t given up yet. But today is the day. Today is when I will prove myself. I’ve thought a lot about my family. I’ve thought about the diner and the kids from school. Mostly, I’ve thought about Jake. I miss him. I wish he were here now, and I could do this with him, hand in hand.
I’m standing in the street now, which was blocked off so that the vendors could set up their various tables and displays. James and Charley helped me as much as they could and brought me to the market, but now I’m on my own. There are a lot of people here. People of every color, age, and style. It’s loud and busy and chaotic. I’m sweating as the sun beats down because there ain’t much shade outside of the little tents, and I’m alone. In the middle of all these people, and I’m still completely alone. There is a band playing on a small stage. They are playing a song I heard once when I was driving with Jake. The kids on the playground are laughing and screaming so loudly. I’m keeping away from them. The air feels stuffy, despite it being a clear, beautiful day. I wish I was sitting on that tailgate down by the creek. My heart aches. I close my eyes, and I see my family. I see our home. The people are crowded together so closely now, picking their fruits and vegetables. Someone bumps into me, and rather than apologize they give me a nasty look as if it were my fault. Everyone is in a hurry, and nobody seems happy. Nobody seems nice. It’s hard to breathe, but I can’t give up. Not now. I have to change the world. I have to make them all proud. This is the only way.
Trent Teerman of the WKBL Channel 7 NewsTeam: Breaking news tonight in regards to the suicide bombing at the downtown farmer’s market that happened this afternoon where 13 people were killed and more than a dozen were injured. According to C.G. Edwardson, the metro city police chief, the suspected bomber has been identified as 18-year-old Hailey Campbell. Campbell is the daughter of Frank Campbell, the co-founder of the Rocksburn religious extremist group outside of Chesterfield. For years, the group has kept to themselves and caused no harm, but little is actually known about what happens in their makeshift town. Now, the privately-owned land the group occupies is surrounded by federal, state, and local law enforcement in a standoff. There are unconfirmed reports that Michael Tipton, Campbell’s partner in starting the cult and the group’s religious leader, has claimed responsibility for the attack. We will bring you more updates as this story continues to unfold.
Well that was surprising!